Tag Archives: thoughts

My thoughts/feelings

This is a thought I had today… which is basically every day. This is one main reason why I made this website after deleting my Aaliyah Tumblr months ago. This blog is a place for me to share my thoughts, feelings, & dreams I have of Aaliyah. All these, almost 21yrs after her passing.

My thought: I can’t get over her passing away. I’m always (thinking) like, her, Aaliyah? Why? Her?

She was so freaking amazing & SHE had to die?!

I’ll just never get over it. Almost 21yrs later & I always feel this way. Is this is what it feels like to lose someone? Because, I don’t feel this way about anyone (that I’ve known personally that may have passed, or whether that other deaths of family members haven’t hit me as hard as it should have?) Mainly because I didn’t have a deep closeness with them? Yet, Aaliyah someone I didn’t know personally affects me dearly.

Idk, just want to share… I want to know if others feel as strongly about her as I do. This is the point of being a fan. To share what others may think is a bit crazy or too much.

Aaliyah’s resting place

Last year on July 16, 2021, I went by myself to Hartsdale, NY to visit Aaliyah’s resting place at Ferncliff Cemetery. It was the first time I’d ever gone.

It was surreal but peaceful. It took a bit to find her spot, I remember at one point I thought I was getting near it (because I know she’s more towards a corner on the left side walking down the hall). I got emotional and watery-eyed. But I kept going. It wasn’t the correct crypt, but I just kept walking around till I found it.

As I walk up to it finally, after walking around for a while (in an Aaliyah tee) down the tall halls, I begin to see the gold gates and I just knew…. There she was, along with her father. I remember just hearing the peaceful music that played in the background of the Mausoleum, and that’s it, just silence and the peaceful music. As it should be. I stayed, stared, and looked at every detail around her crypt. I remember just telling her I’m sorry that she is there and that I miss her. It was for her but also for me to help let it sink in and have some type of closure.

Got a little watery-eyed again, but not a full breakdown (which I thought would happen). I took with me one of the stickers from the ColorBars collab, and wrote a message on the back of it (in messy handwriting because of the emotions) I gently and respectfully placed it on the table area against a bucket of flowers (see photos below) I didn’t stay for too long, but long enough to take it all in, sit down, get back up and just let it feel real.

My love for her is so real. I miss her so much. She passed away so young, she passed when I was so young. It’s a pain and a void that can never heal.

Enjoy some of the photos, as I didn’t share much of them last year.